Cause and Effect
by bekindplsrewind
Summary: Random oneshot snippets between Spike and Angel (and other guests!). If I find one compelling enough to make a continuous story out of it, I might. Rated T for language and some suggestive content. Timeline changes with each chapter. This is a crossover between BtVS and AtS given the character interactions and timelines with the seasons.
1. Eating his feelings

"What are you doing here?"

Spike had barely had two bites of his burger when he was ambushed by Angel. He glanced up as the brooding male slid into the booth across from him, his brow furrowed as usual.

"Well, to be honest, McDonald's always makes my tummy feel a bit uneasy after I eat it," Spike said. He sipped at his drink as he peered at his unwavering sire.

"I'm not asking why you're at a Burger King, _Spike_ ," Angel said with his hand practically plastered to his face, "I'm asking why you're _here._ What are you doing here?"

Spike set his cup down before picking up his burger again. "The kids nowadays call it 'eating your feelings'," he replied nonchalantly, seeming to examine the layers between the buns. He took another bite.

Angel let out an exasperated sigh. "Spike."

Spike continued to chew then swallowed, followed by another sip of his drink and another bite of his burger. Eating in silence was possibly the most entertaining thing as he watched it eating at Angel. When he had two bites of his burger left, he finally spoke: "I mean, I would have drowned my sorrows in alcohol, but this was infinitely cheaper, being that I'm strapped for cash. Not so sure if this seems to be helping much, though." He sipped at his drink and let out a soft sigh.

"Spike, I'm not leaving until you tell me what you're up to," Angel warned, his tone serious. He watched as Spike popped in the last morsel of his burger and scrunched up the waxed paper. "Did you hear what I said? Spike!"

Spike resorted to poking a cold french fry in the tiny cup of ketchup and took a nibble. "Incomparable to the chips we get back home," he said with a little shake of his head. Rather than setting it down, he swirled it around in the goopy ketchup like it was a tiny cauldron.

Angel wasn't sure what sort of antics his progeny was up to, but he was on the verge of irritation. If they weren't in a public environment, he would have dragged him out the door by the collar—kicking and screaming would have been an added bonus. "Come on, we're getting out of here. I'd rather we talk in private."

"But aren't we? Unless my maths is off, there are only two of us sittin' here, and we're already talking." Spike grinned. He could practically count the wrinkles growing on Angel's shortening forehead space.

"Spike," Angel said with controlled force, "this isn't a matter of discussion. Let's go. _Now._ "

Spike blinked and raised his brows dramatically. "Was that a threat?" he placed a hand to his chest feigning surprise. He giggled at Angel's dour expression and wagged the fry in his face. "Someone's put their big boy pants on today, haven't you?"

Spike's laughter was cut short when Angel snapped forward and grabbed him by the wrist. "Stop that! I don't want to cause a scene!" he hissed.

"A little too late for that, innit, mate?" Spike smirked and turned to glance to their side.

Angel paused momentarily and followed suite, only to be met with odd stares and whispers from the other customers in the restaurant. The clerks behind the counter added a nervous tension with their wide eyed bewildered expressions, seeming unsure whether that was a situation they needed to call their manager for. Angel's scowl had immediately dropped and was replaced with a slightly slackened jaw.

"Everything's all right, love," Spike said, spotting one of the workers hovering nearby wiping down a waste receptacle. "He's not too happy with how this blind date has turned out. Though to be fair, I had higher expectations myself." Finding that it seemed to both put out the fire Angel had caused (though it was really Spike) and inevitably raised more questions, Spike turned back to his sire and wrenched his hand out of his unrelenting grip. "You're welcome," he said a little tersely.

"I'm not thanking you when you're the one—" close to shouting, Angel leaned in a little closer and dropped to a whisper, "when you're the one that caused it!"

Spike scoffed. "What bloody merit badge did that earn you? 'Not-being-grateful-and-being-a-complete-dick-in-public' badge? Well, scout, give me the sash and I'll sew the bloody damned thing on for you myself! You've earned it!" Spike shot both thumbs up and gave him an enthusiastic wink.

"You know, there's a cause and effect for everything. When it concerns you, your actions usually outweigh what you say, but you don't seem to know your boundaries with me. _Your_ words are the cause, Spike, and how I respond, is _your_ effect."

"Oh, _spare_ me!" Spike rolled his eyes. "I didn't come here to get an earful of your whinging! I didn't ask you to come, I didn't even invite you to bloody join me, so why the _fuck_ are you sittin' here, Angel?"

"Don't turn this around on me, Spike. I asked you that first."

Spike stood up abruptly and stopped next to him. "Do me a favour and spot me a twenty."

Angel glanced up at him. "What do you need it for?"

"Food is a poor substitute to alcohol. I'd rather drown my sorrows the old fashioned way."

Angel didn't budge. "No."

"Well, I suppose that's nothing to be worried about. Thought I'd try since you're here. I always have my five finger discount."

Angel shoved the bill to Spike's chest before he could walk away. "I'll be adding this to your tab with all the other money and favours you owe me," he said in all seriousness.

"Thanks, love," Spike said with a smile. With the bill clutched in his hand, he turned around and began to walk backwards. "And _that's_ how you properly express gratitude!" he shouted loudly, a gratuitous two-fingered salute directed at Angel till he had backed out of the door.

Angel sighed and pulled himself up out of the squeaky booth. He knew he shouldn't have stopped when he had spotted Spike through the window, but it didn't make sense that he was so far from Sunnydale. Spike always had an ulterior motive when he happened to just 'show up'.

With even more stares and whispers that his progeny had left for him, Angel did his best to ignore them and glanced out the window. He spotted Spike shoving his hands into his pockets, wearing the same expression as he'd seen him the first time. But it hadn't occurred to Angel then—since Spike had been eating—just how downcast he had looked. Did look. Even… sad.

* * *

 **A/N:** This really just started out as a dialogue between Spike and Angel (in my head) with Spike mentioning something about eating his feelings and wanting to get drunk rather than listening to Angel. But then it ended up as sassy Spike actually being sad Spike. Oops...


	2. He brought dip

"Oh good, Lorne, you're here," Spike said.

"Hey, boys." The Pylean hovered by the bar entrance as he flashed a smile at his pair of guests.

"Hi, Lorne," Clem replied back with a friendly wave and a toothy grin under his drooping layers of facial skin.

"How 'bout we have a round as a warm up?" Spike suggested as he shuffled some cards. Clem nodded enthusiastically from the chair next to him.

"Um… about that…" Lorne began. "I… brought someone along with me—"

"Lorne, this poker game is 'demons only'," Spike stated in all seriousness, so serious that he'd stopped shuffling.

"I know, which is why I thought it'd be okay if I brought him along…" Lorne stepped forward to make way for his mysterious guest.

It was Angel.

"Hey, guys, I brought dip," Angel announced with a smile as he raised his tupperware.

Clem brought his claws together in an eager clap, only to have his spirits quashed.

"Jesus, bloody fu— _Angel_ , you brought bloody _Angel?!_ " Spike's eyes bulged as he snapped his head towards their mild mannered host; Clem kept his paws together as he peeked at his agitated friend from the corner of his eye. "I made it specifically _clear_ not to invite _him!_ "

"Hey!" Angel whipped his head towards Spike with swooping brows.

"Yes, but I couldn't lie to that face! Just look at him!"

Angel sighed as all three pairs of eyes simultaneously turned to him with scrutiny.

"Those chocolate syrup eyes, those soft, pouting lips, that furrowed and pensive brow," Lorne sighed, "who could resist that?"

"He has a point," Clem said in agreement.

Spike narrowed his eyes briefly at his friend before turning back to Lorne. "Yeah, and what kind of arm twisting did he do after you melted into a pile of goop at his feet?"

"Guys! I'm right here!" Angel sighed.

"He'd been noticing how much in a hurry I was after work. All those inquisitive stares, the awkward atmosphere between us—I just had to tell him after he interrogated me!"

Spike scoffed. "Yeah, what'd he say?"

— _Flashback—_

"Hey, have a nice weekend, Lorne, doing whatever you're doing."

Lorne spun around before he could reach the exit and threw his hands up in defeat. "Okay, I give up! I'm meeting Spike and a couple of friends for poker!"

"Oh. That sounds like fun…" Angel said a little quieter as he glanced down, absently moving some papers around on his desk that were already in their correct spots. "I don't think you'd have room for another player…"

Lorne marched over in front of him and slapped his hand down in the middle of his papers, forcing him to look up at him. "Of course we do, gumdrop. We have a game tomorrow at 10. How about I come by your office so we can go together?"

Angel instantly perked up and smiled like a boy full of hope. "Should I bring dip?"

— _End Flashback—_

"He said: 'have a nice weekend', and you bloody blurted everythin' out like some gormless sea cucumber!"

"'Sea cucumber'?" Angel and Clem said in unison.

"They spew out their guts at the sign of danger; the Discovery Channel is brilliant as well as educational," Spike explained, keeping his voice in the same angry tone. "Typical Angel move right there, playing the passive aggressor; you were practically eating out of his hand."

Angel quickly darted a glance between the two of them.

"But he's already here, and he knows about it now," Lorne persisted.

"And I spent all night making this dip," Angel added by raising his tupperware again. "What do you say, Spike?" Angel asked softly, gently lifting his brows out of some small ounce of hope.

Spike stared at him for a few gruelling seconds before speaking. "You do have that impressive Cobra. I'd like to take it out and play with it some time."

Lorne spat out the cosmopolitan he had somehow gotten ahold of during Angel's soft plea.

"He's talking about my _car!_ " Angel retorted. Regardless of the misunderstanding, he lowered the container of dip in front of him and cleared his throat.

Lorne coughed and thumped at his chest. It seemed impossible for a green skinned demon, but he was actually blushing—though in a darker shade of green.

"Pfft, no thanks; not interested," Spike scoffed. "Not something I'd want to do again."

Lorne spat his drink out a second time that night while Clem covered his awestruck mouth.

" _Spike!"_ Angel closed his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

Spike nodded. "All right, you can sit in on a couple games, Angel," he continued with a sniff, resuming his shuffling.

"Gee, thanks, how generous of you," Angel said as he began to walk towards the table.

"Talk about a sausage fest."

"Hey!" Clem reacted with a frown and a pout.

Angel paused and turned around. "Faith?"

"How're my Golden Girls? I brought some refreshments," she said, raising the pack of beers in her hand.

"Wait a minute—!" Angel cried.

"Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout." A smile finally returned to the blond's face as he nodded over at their newest addition. "Mind passing one over, Blanche?"

Angel's head turned as he watched Faith walk by him. "But—what is she doing here!"

"Here you go, Dorothy," Faith said with a smile, sliding one of the amber bottles across the table towards him.

Spike caught it with a swoop of his hand. "Cheers," he said as he twisted off the cap.

"You said it was 'demons only'! Guys!"

"Hey, now! Why did you bring beers to my bar? I've got drinks here," Lorne said as he came forward, a little hurt and insulted.

"Yeah, but you don't have Zombie Dust." Spike threw his head back and took a swig. "Oh, yeah! That's the stuff!"

"I'm a demon. She's not. Hello?"

"Come on, Rose, you can have a cosmo any time," Faith said, nudging the side of Lorne's arm. "This'll be your little break to experiment." She raised a bottle and tipped it towards him as an offering.

Lorne sighed in defeat. "Oh, all right." He took the bottle and sat himself at the table with Faith following close behind.

"Sophia," Faith slid a bottle towards Clem in which he managed to fumble before holding it steady in his clawed hands.

"I resent that 'sausage' comment you made there," Clem said with a little sniff as he turned his head.

Faith chuckled a bit. "But you're a man—" her smile dropped, "wait, are you?"

"Of course I am!" Clem snapped his head back round.

"Sorry, I was just making sure." She raised her hands up in her defense.

"Mm," Spike furrowed his brows as he swallowed, "let's just say he doesn't share the same plumbing as us," he clarified, indicating with his thumb between the likes of him and Lorne.

"What about me?" Angel protested, being continually ignored.

Faith blinked.

"For his kind, the males lack any primary sex characteristics. In fact, both females and males share similar traits in those regions. It's called a cloaca; they're kind of like birds," Spike said matter-of-factly, ending his informative explanation with a swig of his beer.

"Ohh…" Faith uttered. "You sure do you know _a lot_ about their sex organs, or lack thereof." She drummed her fingers on the side of her bottle.

Spike scoffed. "I'm not a bloody slag. I haven't shagged everybody in this room."

Lorne and Faith turned their heads away from each other and took a swig.

"It was with an unfortunate event that I'd learnt that from one of Clem's cousin's bloody bonding rituals he'd invited me to."

"I'm sorry! I really didn't know they were _that_ traditional!" Clem cried.

Spike buried half his face into his palm with closed eyes. "Doesn't matter, now. Their naked bodies will forever be burned into the back of my retinas." With a shiver, he threw his head back and drank deeply.

"Stop ignoring me!"

The seated four paused and turned around to see Angel still standing with his hand on his hip.

"If you want a beer, Angel, all you need to do is ask. I still have a couple left," Faith remarked, taking a sip from her bottle.

Angel finally put the dip down on the table before pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's not that," he muttered with a sigh.

"Then what is it, tall and broody?" Spike quipped, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Angel snapped his head up at him, the nickname befitting him at that moment. "Why is she _here?_ " He gestured at Faith.

Faith looked back at him with raised brows. "Gee, didn't think you hated me that much, slick. 'Guess you were fakin' all this time," she said with a shrug as she began to nurse her beer again.

"That's not it, Faith; I like you. But… but Spike said this game was for 'demons only'!" Angel pointed at the blond vampire like he was accusing him of some horrendous crime.

With wide eyes and raised brows, Spike placed a hand to his chest as he blinked back at him.

"What are you trying to say, Angel?" Faith turned to him with a sweeping side glance.

"Well, you're… you're a slayer."

"Ohh…" Clem hummed.

"Oh, snap!" Lorne clamped a hand over his mouth, the words falling out before he could stop them.

"Bitch is goin' down…" Spike muttered, not even trying to lower his tone or mask his amusement as he began to chuckle.

The chair rumbled loudly as it was pushed back. Faith stood up and turned to face Angel with her shoulders squared. "What did you just say, Angel?"

Angel swallowed and nervously glanced at the other three before looking back at her. "W-well, you're not like us—and I don't mean the woman part." He laughed at his own joke but stopped abruptly when no one else shared his humour. "I mean… y-you're a slayer, ahem," he cleared his throat and pulled at the collar of his shirt, "you're the one that could slaughter us all on a whim, am I right, guys?" he said with another laugh as he turned to his peers. He was met with a couple shakes of heads and a smirk. Angel turned back to Faith and took a step back as she neared him. "I mean, it's your calling; it's in your nature."

"Hmm, it sure is," she said slowly, finally closing the distance between them as she leaned in towards him. With a roll of her wrist, a stake fell out of her sleeve and dropped into her hand. "Maybe," Faith grabbed hold of Angel's lapel in one hand as she raised the stake over him with the other, "I should shove this in your chest. It'd make sense, since it's so much in my nature."

"Wait a minute! Where'd you get that!" Angel's eyes popped at the sight of it. "Lorne! Do something!" he yelled.

"Yeah, he already is! He's drinking Zombie Dust!" Spike yelled. "Go on, now! Dust him already! Dust him! Dust him!" he began to chant.

"Spike, you moronic ingrate!" Angel hissed.

Faith smiled. "You hear that, champ? The audience wants a show." She raised the stake higher.

"Wait, Faith! You don't have to do this!" Angel yelped, lifting a protective hand up.

"Eh, but you made it clear," she said with a cant of her head, "it's my calling."

"Nooo!" Angel wailed as he watched the stake plummet down to his chest. He flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, only to hear laughter roar out from all four of them. Slowly, he peeled one eye open at a time to see Faith grinning at him.

"Did you wet your pants a little, babe? Did you like that?" Faith raised the stake and jabbed it back down against his chest, but instead of it being driven through, the pointy end bent and squished on impact. "It's practically a dog toy," she said between fits. She swooped her arm around his neck, forcing him forward as she gave him a noogie. "It was just a prank, Angel, lighten up!" She laughed. She released him and tossed the rubber stake at him as she walked off towards the table. "Here, a souvenir."

Angel looked down at the thing in his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, watching it deflate and slowly adjust back to its normal form. All it needed was a squeak.

"Not funny, guys," Angel said as he joined them back at the table. "I wouldn't have expected this from you, Lorne."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Angel cakes! Honestly, I didn't want to go along with it, but they said it'd help loosen you up," Lorne reasoned with a frown.

"Wait, when you say you went along with it… that means this was planned…? So… I wasn't being excluded; I was invited all along…?"

"Sure thing, muffin," Lorne said with a smile.

"Notreally," Spike masked with a cough, followed with his lips suckling on his Zombie Dust.

Angel's eyes shone as he grinned.

"Gosh, those eyes are just oozing like lava cakes, am I right?" Lorne said with a sigh.

"Either we're playing poker or you two can get a room," Faith remarked.

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, guess this officially turned into a crossover between BtVS and AtS. I thought with it mostly being between Spike and Angel interactions, I could just get away with it being under BtVS, but now I've got Lorne thrown in the mix…. Ah, well, I'll leave it as is for now. No biggie. I really don't know where I was going with this one. I really didn't know how to end it at first, and then things took a turn on its own. I actually thought the additions I made made this even funnier. Also, I have no idea how to write in flashbacks, other than indicating with a 'flashback/end flashback'… subtitle. Just going with how I'd see it if it were 'on screen'. Heavy subtext and my inventive take on the type of demon Clem is. There will _probably_ be a part two….

I haven't written for Lorne, Clem, or Faith before, so I'm not sure if I've gotten their syntax right. I just have an idea of their personalities, and I think that's what they'd say. (In my headcanon, Lorne has a crush on Angel, just like Clem has one on Spike (there's an ep where Tara and Clem openly discuss in front of a disgruntled Spike how they think he's cute. I have no idea which ep that is, though.)

Also, I have never watched Golden Girls, so my take on who's who might be wrong, though I think I've managed to peg them correctly.

Secondly: Zombie Dust is a real beer. The graphics on the bottles is really cool. (Now I want to seek it out and try it myself.)


End file.
